Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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