is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
