is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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