Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
