do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
