awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize