We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
