Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
