I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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