I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
