perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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