I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
where am i from again
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
