Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
