guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
