If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
