I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
