So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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