I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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