I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
