I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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