it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
vagina is talking i cant
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
