So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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