Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
