What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
