please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
