It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
