I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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