Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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