Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
