Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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