Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
