How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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