I faked an abortion last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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