I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
