do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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