I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
