ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
