Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
