It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
