Dual....:-)
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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