She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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