Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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