Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
