bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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