Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you bring me the toilet please
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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