Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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