He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
