Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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