Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
