She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"