that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.