i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
