i would punch a child for taco bell
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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