Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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