I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
