I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
