I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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