No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
