just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
