Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have fence marks all over my body
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
