I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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