That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
