at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
