i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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