when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
