also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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