Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
