I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
