Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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