Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
