Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
