I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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