I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no you cant smoke seaweed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
