i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
