After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
