..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
