Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
