I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
