But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
